Christmas

Christmas is not my favorite time of the year; it has lost it's luster in stages throughout the years. It began with the death of my grandmother. Our core family traditions were centered around her - all attempts at continuing these forever seemed contrived. Then came the end of my first marriage in 1996 - that began the cycle of swapping off (aka "sharing") the kids through the holiday. From there, it became less than it once was when the kids grew up and some of the magic was lost. Since I'm not a religious person, the magic and traditions are what held it together for me. Enter the economic issues - it became more important to focus on needs rather than wants, drawing names to minimize cost and other necessary efforts to balance spending. Top this off with being out of touch with my oldest child and you have the perfect scrooge-like storm.

I'm not saying that any of this could have been changed. I'm just trying to trace the path of my current apathy toward the holiday. Isolating the causes feels better than just pointing to overarching bitchiness. (which I will admit to, intermittently)

Here's this year's tree (which I struggled to get the will to put up) and the stagecoach ornament above given to me by my parents - a little barb symbolizing the company that acquired the one I work for last year. Perhaps future events will occur that will unwind or reset the way I feel about the holidays. I can only hope so.